How to win over this cold-hearted, tough-exterior-wearing, thick-headed, guarded, bastard child of Satan. (Other wise known at me.)
1.) Bring me to a Mets game. No, I don't need to sit in box seats. I'll sit in nose bleed, I don't care. It also doesn't have to be Mets/Yanks (though it's obviously preferable). Cheer with me. Actually give a damn about the sport.
2.) Make me laugh. And laugh with me. I don't care how you do it. Knock-knock jokes, whatever. You can even mock me. It's fine. As long as you don't tell racist/prejudice jokes we're fine.
3.) Take me to the Met. And I will love you forever. I know, I know. I'm a "painter", but I've never been to the Met. What the hell kind of a New Yorker am I?
4.) Pick up and leave at the drop of a hat with me. I don't mean for forever. I'm notorious for leaving work on a Friday evening and saying "Let's go to Canada this weekend." And I'll actually do it. You have to be ready to do things like that with me. Always. Anywhere. For no reason at all.
5.) Beat me in a debate. But don't get cocky about it. At least not seriously. You can tease me about it, rub it in a little, but don't mean it. Debate me on anything. Music, movies, books, sports, politics, religion, whether skittles are better than starburst, why peanut butter and jelly are such a great pair, etc. As long as you don't try to tell me that XBox 306/Wii/PS3 are better than the original Nintendo, everything will be just fine.
[Note: I still have the original Nintendo. It still works. I still get drunk and play it. And I will still kick your ass in Contra, Duck Hunt, Mad Max, Zelda, Mario Brothers, Super Mario 3, Tetris, Ninja Gaiden 2, Mike Tyson's Punch Out, Friday The 13th, Donkey Kong Jr, and Skate or Die.]
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5 comments:
This settles it. We're going to a Mets game and then I'm unceremoniously whooping your ass at Blades of Steel and Tecmo Bowl. Maybe even Base Wars. Just so you can steel yourself for the crushing defeats to come. ;)
Base Wars? Never played it. But I will beat you in Paper Boy. That's a fact.
That you've never played Base Wars is a tragedy. It was baseball, but featuring cyborg players who would duel out close plays with ray guns and other assorted weaponry.
And you just might. Though inexplicably, my dad -- who never played video games -- was amazing at that game.
No way. I'll KILL you in Duck Hunt.
The answer to whether or not you can kill me in Duck Hunt boils down to one simple question.
Do you play with the orange gun or the gray one?
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